I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
