If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
