I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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