so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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