Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
