wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
