oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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