I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How does one acquire holy water?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
