Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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