The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
