Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
