Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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