woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
