This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
