You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
