I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
