I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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