You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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