moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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