She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
