I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
