uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have surprise drugs for everyone
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
