Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
