Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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