I think my fart just growled at me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
