I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
