my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
