ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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