So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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