when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
