I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
