I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
