i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
