ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
