Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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