So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize