She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
