My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
