What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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