ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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