I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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