After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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