i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
