before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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