Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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