the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
