So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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