my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
