it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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