Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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