She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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