I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
