i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
