Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
