I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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