If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
