i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
