I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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