im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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