don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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