I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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