Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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