puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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