I think I am morally bankrupt
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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