i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?