i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
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Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!