if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.