I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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