She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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