you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
