I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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