i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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