I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
